Fire Ride
by Zantetsuken Reverse
Summary: A flash of light knocks Olivia, Henry, Lissa, Gaius, and their kids to our world. Luckily, Earth!Anna takes care of them, on one condition: They must attend high school. Flock has just arrived in DC, and are forced to attend school. Disaster and hilarity ensues. Of course, with bird kids, sociopaths, kleptomaniacs, and princesses, it's never that simple. OliviaxHenry, GaiusxLissa.


This is my first Fire Emblem Awakening fanfiction. I support many pairings, but only a few come up; the ones shown in this fic: Gaius x Lissa and Henry x Olivia. Also, the Avatar is female here and also named Robin.

I stopped reading Maximum Ride after _Fang_, so keep note if canon contradicts.

Interesting note. I was reading _Moving Pictures_ (Terry Pratchett, great book), and I realized that the main character, basically a movie star who is described to be the kind of star who middle-aged women squeal over, is somehow similar to Inigo. That is, the kind of person Inigo wants to be like. Not to mention that another character lies that he is the son of a rogue wizard (Henry) and a reckless gypsy flamenco dancer (Olivia). I could take the comparison further with saying that Owain is like the _heroine_ of the story, with her father being a pirate (Gaius) and her mother his headstrong captive (Lissa), but that would be weird. Then again, she _is_ an actress…

Chapter 1: Ouch

(Gaius POV)

In the maybe-not-so-numerous-and –yet-very-full-years of my life, I have never been through anything like this. Dropped into an Outrealm? I lost track of how many times that happened to me. Waking up in a woman's house with no idea how I got there? At least this time I'm still wearing something. Waking up next to my much-younger wife, not-that-much-younger son, our army's resident evil, a hot dancer chick, and their philandering son? Happens all the time when you share a tent. Waking up fourteen years old? Okay, maybe that's new.

All of the above happening at the same time? Really new.

"So, what you're saying is that the Outrealm Gate malfunctioned, leaving us stranded here until you can get it repaired?" I repeated to this world's Anna.

"Pretty much," she said.

"Nya ha ha! What the HEX wrong with us?" Henry giggled.

"GYAA! Why are we—I mean, for what reason are we—WE'RE KIDS AGAIN!" Owain screamed.

"You're all fourteen, to be exact," said Outrealm Anna.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!" Inigo shouted. "How can I pick up girls like this?" he added as an afterthought.

Anna shrugged. "Well, I'm not the one in a fourteen year old body, so that kind of gives me the right."

"You can always pick up fourteen year old girls," I said, and then realized what I had just said. "Never mind. That would be kind of gross."

"You don't have to-" Anna began, but Lissa cut her off. "You're a Dark Mage, aren't you, Henry?" she said. "Can't you do anything? Like, if you can't get us home, can't you at least get us back to normal?!"

"I can-" Anna began, but Henry cut her off. He nodded. "But only if you want to be turned into a little kid. Or a be shriveled up at the age of-"

"Never mind."

"Excuse m-"

"And even if Father could make us our normal ages again, it would take a sacrifice every thirteen hours to maintain," said Inigo. "So we need to find an alternate route."

"Hey!" shouted Anna. Lissa, Henry, and Inigo turned around. "I'm pretty sure that going back to your own Outrealm should bring you back to normal." All of us turned to look at her. "You see, as one of the Keepers of the Gate, I get to talk to other Keepers in different Outrealms. A while back, we decided to get together and have a party. But when we got to Anna's Outrealm, there were… unintended consequences."

"Like being turned into kids?" I said.

"And worse. So I went back home to see if I had anything I could use to cure myself, and the next thing I knew, I was back to normal! After the other Keepers went back to their Outrealms, they said that they were normal, too. It may be different for Keepers, but I think that if you go back to your Outrealm, you'll be your regular ages again."

"Then why didn't you say this earlier?" said Lissa.

Anna sighed.

"Um… what are we going to do while the Gate is being fixed?" said Olivia. "Where are we going to stay…?"

Anna put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Did you really think that I'd leave you guys out here on your own? I'm not heartless, you know! I'll take care of you; no charge!"

I paused. "Wait… something's not right here."

Anna sighed. "Okay, fine, part of it is Customer Satisfaction Policy, but that's not all." She shifted uncomfortably. "You've already been to several other Outrealms, haven't you? But this one is… different from yours."

"How so?" asked Henry. "Ooh, did the wyverns-"

Anna shook her head. "There are no wyverns in this world. Right now, you're in a completely different universe. And by that, I mean a COMPLETELY different world. Imagine if Marth had been transported to an alternate universe to fight with an electric mouse, an Italian plumber, a cross-dressing princess, an egg-laying dinosaur, a fire-breathing turtle, two versions of the same guy from different time periods, the same Italian plumber who is now a doctor, and Roy. Can you? Good. This world is even weirder." [1]

"So in other words, we need you to survive here?" I said suspiciously.

"Almost. I mean, you can survive here fine, but the police would find you and take you into custody for being unsupervised minors, and then they'll dump you in an orphanage or something with no way to get back to the Gate."

"True," I conceded, even though I had no idea what she had just said. "But tell me one thing. Will we have to pay you for letting us stay?"

Anna shook her head. "The law is pretty strict about that. After the whole incident where Anna started kidnapping random rich people from alternate dimensions, we made a rule against forcing people to pay. Now, we have a fund that I can draw upon if I can prove that you are not held against your will and I am using the money responsibly."

"Great," I said. I wonder what else she's going to use that money for…

"The other catch is, you'll have to learn how to live in this world until I can get the Gate back up."

"Can't be that hard, can it?" Inigo said to Owain.

"That means going to school."

"WHAT?!" shouted Lissa. "School!?"

"School?" said Olivia. "I haven't been there since I was eleven."

"School?" I said. "I haven't been there since Mom stopped paying."

"School?" said Henry. "I haven't been there since I burned it down."

We all looked at Henry. "What?" he said.

Henry blinked. "Don't worry. I took out all the books first."

"Oh, and that makes it all better," I said sarcastically. [2]

"…Owain and I haven't been to school since the Risen started attacking," said Inigo. "And that was a long time ago, too."

"Erm…" said Olivia. "Back to my original question… n-never mind!"

"No, go ahead," said Anna. "It's fine."

"In that case… what should we do?" said Olivia uncertainly. "I mean… how long will it take for the Gate to be repaired?"

"And how long will we have to put up with school?" said Lissa franticly.

Anna shrugged. "It could take anywhere between a few weeks and a year. I ordered some parts to repair the opening to the control panel, but then I have to find out what's wrong with the control panel, order more parts, and repair _that_, and then I have to get it to run a diagnosis on the problem and then I have to order more parts to repair whatever's wrong. And that's just the targeting system."

I groaned.

"Are you kidding me?!" shouted Lissa. "We're in the middle of a war! Even a few days could mean life or death!"

"You don't have to worry about that, either," said Anna. "Once the Gate is fixed, I can recalibrate it to send you back to the moment you left. All I need to know is approximately where you were before you were teleported."

Inigo paled. "Oh, gods, don't remind me…"

"Why? What happened?"

Inigo sighed. "We were camping in Ellis Forest in southern Ylisse… while we were there; Lissa and Gaius went out into the forest…"

FLASHBACK

"_This is your first time?" said Gaius_

"_Yeah. You've done this before?" said Lissa._

"_More times that I can count."_

"_Wow! Those are huge!"_

"_Best you can find in these parts. Know what to do?_

"_Uh-huh. We went over this earlier, don't you remember?"_

_GAius and Lissa made several groaning noises –"Ugh… you're so heavy…"_

"_Heavier that that axe of yours?"_

"_Shut up!"_

"_Ouch! Stop moving, you're going to-"_

FLASHBACK END

"…and then I shut my ears and ran for it," Inigo finished.

Lissa stood up. "That's not what happened! I mean, you heard right, but you didn't see what we were doing, did you?"

Inigo blinked, and then let out a sigh of relief. "So that's what you were—I mean, that's what you _weren't_ doing? Good…"

Owain leaned closer. "In that case, what were you and Mom doing?"

FLASHBACK

"_This is your first time?" I asked Lissa as we prepared to climb the apple tree._

"_Yeah," said Lissa. "You've done this before?"_

"_More times than I can count."_

_Lissa looked up in awe at the gigantic apples. "Wow… those are huge!"_

"_Best you can find in these parts," I said. "Know what to do?"_

"_Uh-huh. We went over this earlier, don't you remember?" With those words, Lissa knelt down and lifted me by the feet. "Ugh… you're so heavy…" she groaned._

"_Heavier than that axe of yours?" I said good-naturedly._

"_Shut up!" said Lissa as she heaved me all the way up._

"_Ouch!" I said as I bumped his head on a branch. "Stop moving, you're going to make me fall!" I grabbed the branch. "There. Now I climb up here and lift you up."_

_I grabbed Lissa's arms and pulled. "Thanks," she said. "Now, time to pick those apples…"_

FLASHBACK END

"… and then we picked the apples until we saw a bright light and the next thing we knew we were here," I finished.

"There!" said Lissa, turning out her bag. "Apples! See?"

Anna examined one. "Those do certainly seem like apples to me," she said. "Good ones, too…"

"Hey, Inigo," I said.

"Yes?"

"Why were you in the forest to begin with?"

Inigo started to sweat. "I—er… I was-"

"We were in the forest together," said Olivia. "Talking. And Inigo had to…erm, you know."

"I know? I know what?"

Henry put his hand on my shoulder. "Come on, give them some privacy! _Shall I demonstrate one hundred and one fun things I can do to your internal organs if you don't_?" he whispered.

"…I got it."

"And when he was… doing his business, he too wandered into your midst, Mother and Father," said Owain.

"…and how did you know that?"

"I was out, on a quest to-"

"No, seriously. Why were you out there?"

"…fine. I was checking the snares."

Anna looked at each of us. "So all of you were in Ellis Forest when you teleported… Gaius and Lissa were picking apples, Olivia and Inigo were talking, and Owain was checking traps. What about you, Henry?"

"I was-"

I slapped my hand over his mouth. "We do not want to know."

Henry shrugged. "Rff u sey soh." (If you say so) "Oh, and it was forty-seven seconds after fifty-two minutes after ten at night, on Tuesday, during the fifth month of the year of the Distressed Cactus."

Anna looked at him. "Can I get a number for that year?" I told her. "Thanks. Now, it's late, so you'd better get to bed. Your bedrooms are-"

"Wait, so you just so happen to have spare bedrooms?" I said.

Owain reached for his sword. "So, foul deceiver, you have taken us from our homes and, er, placed us in yours! My sword hand twitches for your throat-"

Anna sighed. "They're storage rooms that have beds in them. I got a large bulk order of beds a while back, but I wasn't able to sell all of them. I never saw a reason to throw them out, so I kept them just in case."

"Never saw a reason?" I repeated. "What about space? Beds aren't exactly small, you know."

"But they make decent shelves if you cover up the mattress. I had time to get them ready while you were busy lying on my floor."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Inigo yawned. "It's too late to argue," he said.

"She's offering us a free bed!" said Lissa.

"If she wanted us dead, then she could have tried to kill us while we were out," said Olivia.

"Don't worry, Father!" said Owain. "Justice never sleeps! Constant vigilance!"

"If she tries to kill us in our sleep, then I'll rip her arms off for my collection," said Henry.

I sighed. "Fine… Good night."

X

For the next few days, Anna tried to break us into 'Earth' culture, bringing us to a place called Wal-Mart (NOT Walhart) to teach us how to act normally around other people, as well as buying food.

Anna gave us some of clothes from her stock to wear for a while, since she wanted us to learn a little before taking us shopping. As it turned out, the de-aging merely shrunk us back to fourteen instead of reversing time, so anything that happened to our bodies after we turned fourteen remained on our bodies. That meant that we were still just as strong as we normally are instead of back when we were fourteen. That also meant that the thief's brand on my arm was still there. Luckily, Anna had some bandages for me to wrap around it so that I could pretend it was an injury, and she said that my tattoo would be unrecognizable to most people since no one used tattooing as a punishment anymore. Not only that, but the word for 'thief' was written in some old language that no one but scholars spoke anymore and had never existed to begin with on Earth.

Every night, Anna brought all of us to her room to drill us on Earth life. At first, it was about things like electricity and technology, but once we mastered that she moved on to school. "Now, remember. No cheating, no acting up in class, and no dismembering the other kids just because they laugh at you," she said. "This is what your school looks like," she pointed at a projected picture on the wall with a laser pointer.

I nodded, and stared at the strange building. School, eh? I wonder what they teach there… I wonder what kind of dessert they have.

"By the way, what were you doing back in the forest, Henry?" asked Anna.

"Aw, nothing much. Just playing with the crows."

I let out a sigh of relief. Good… nothing to leave to the imagination.

"With my Risen arm."

Oh, gods…

TO BE CONTINUED!

[1] Marth's weird situation- Super Smash Brothers Melee, since that's the first game released outside of Japan he was in. The characters mentioned, in order of mention, are Pikachu, Mario, Zelda/Sheik, Yoshi, Bowser, Link and Young Link, Dr. Mario, and… well, Roy.

[2] Henry burning down his school- Originally, Henry's line was, "Don't worry. It was after I graduated," but then I changed it since I realized how young he would have to graduate.

Fine, I am a bit of a Henry fangirl, so I took some time to think about why Henry would not have graduated. Henry managed to join the Plegian army (evidenced by Ricken) and remained a minor incognito legend for some time (evidenced by Tharja). And Henry looks… from where I stand, something like eighteen (Olivia also refers to him as a kid, and she looks like she's in her early twenties) when he joins as a playable character, two years after joined the Plegian army. In other words, he was about sixteen at the game's start, which seems like a good enough age to join the army for Fire Emblem. Additionally, he was able to warn Panne about Emmeryn's assassination, which he would have been punished for had he been in the army. He also mentions that he used to be one of Gangrel's soldiers who never made it to the battlefield. I'm sure that it would take a few years to become well-known for what he did, so I think that he would be fourteen when he would leave, and thirteen or even fifteen wouldn't be that far of a cry either. That seems a little young to be leaving school, especially if he was forced there, so I say he burned it down. On the other hand, he does imply to Olivia that he wasn't expelled, and he appears to remember his school days fondly… Then again, who knows?

With the other characters, the explanations are simpler. Lissa is a princess, and she appears to be at odds with princessy behavior, which I'm sure was part of her education. She must have hated it. Gaius mentions that he went to school, and I think since he most likely came from a poor family, he stopped. For Olivia, I think that she would have gone until it got to the point where there's nothing useful left to be learned. High school and middle school in our world is good, but there's not much point in calculus or essay writing in the Fire Emblem universe, and Olivia had to start dancing full-time at some point. Inigo and Owain, if they went to any formal school, would have certainly stopped when the Risen attacked.

In a nutshell, Henry burned his school because of what they did to him, Lissa hates it due to the formality, Gaius couldn't pay, there was nothing useful left for Olivia to learn, and the kids just couldn't.

What will happen to the gang at school? Where is the Flock at a time like this? And will Gaius be satisfied with cafeteria pudding?


End file.
